What does it mean that emotional bids and responses?

Relationships are built on small emotional bids — turning toward them strengthens connection.

Example: You are reading on the couch. Your partner glances out the window and says, "Look at that sunset." This is a bid — a small, unannounced request for your attention, your presence, your connection. You have three options. Turning toward: you look up, walk to the window, say "That is beautiful." Turning away: you grunt without looking up, or say nothing at all, and continue reading. Turning against: you snap, "Can you see I am busy?" The content of the bid is trivial — a sunset. But the meta-message is not trivial at all. The meta-message is: "Are you there? Do you see me? Will you meet me in this moment?" And your response — repeated across hundreds of such micro-moments every week — is writing the story of whether this relationship is a place of connection or a place of loneliness.

Try this: Conduct a 48-hour Bid Awareness Audit. For two full days, carry a small notebook or use a notes app and log every emotional bid you notice — both bids you make and bids directed at you. For each entry, record: (1) the bid itself (what was said or done), (2) the apparent underlying need (attention, affirmation, connection, play, support), (3) the response (turning toward, turning away, or turning against), and (4) the emotional aftermath — how the bidder appeared to feel after the response, and how you felt. At the end of 48 hours, tally your results. What is your turning-toward ratio? Where do you consistently turn away, and what were you doing at the time? Which of your own bids get the strongest responses, and which get ignored? Identify one context where you habitually turn away (for most people this is during screen time or task focus) and design a specific intervention: a physical cue, a verbal protocol, or an environmental change that increases your probability of turning toward in that context.